Peace I leave with you. . . .

John 14:27
Peace I leave with you, my peace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be troubled, neither let it be afraid.

I'm feeling so much better and I just had to share. I went to the St. Louis Temple on Tuesday evening with my heart in my hands. And I just kept repeating in my mind the above scripture and poured my heart out to my Heavenly Father. And not only did he hear my prayers, he has taken all of my cares and given me the strength to go on.

How grateful I am for the gospel of Jesus Christ in my life and the knoweldge and strenght it gives me. And how grateful I am for the temple's we have here on earth and how our cares fall away at the door and are completely gone when we emerge.

Feeling like Eeyore.

This is what I have been feeling like lately. I have been so sad and have been crying at the drop of a hat. I hate being here in St. Louis with out my family. I have a physical ache to hold my boys. I should really focus on my blessing I know, but this sadness has just been so all consuming. I should focus on the fact that things have worked out so well, we got the house in San Antonio, the house here has been taken care of for the most part, my transfer has been conditionally granted, the boys have a great new school, the new ward seems very nice, we have good new neighbors, my friend Stacy has allowed me to stay at her house while still in St. Louis and I could go on and on because I haven't even mentioned Dave getting into the program at UTSA, the money from his Uncle Terry and Aunt Jo and my incredible parents without whom most of this would not have been possible. Plus on top of all that my parents have done for us my mom's first really day of retirement is she at home sleeping in and relaxing, no she is on a plane from Salt Lake to San Antonio to help take care of my kids and relieve some of Dave's stress while I am stuck in St. Louis.

So many blessing so why can't I just focus on this stupid project and get it done so I can leave St. Louis and be with my family. But all I can think about is how much I miss them. Even when I am busy busy busy I sit at my computer and go through files putting this case together and have tears running down my face the whole time.

I know this move is the right thing for my family. I know that so many of our prayers have been answered, but I didn't know it would be this hard or that I would have to rely on so many people. And I especially didn't know it would be so hard on my boys. Would it be better for them if I was in San Antonio, if Dave weren't so stressed with school, if if if . . . ? Have I screwed up my children for life?

On top of all this my hair is falling out like crazy. I may actually be bald soon.

What could smell better?

So I fly back to St. Louis from San Antonio for my appointed penance to finish my case at work before my transfer is finalized. I think I have taken into account all of my needs as I am staying with a truly wonderful friend and all I really need are the clothes on my back. So I get to the truly wonderful friends house (Thanks Stacy) and come to find out I forgot to leave deodorant with my clothes in St. Louis. So I head off to Target and decide to be adventurous and I buy a new scent Pomegranate and Lemon Verbena. two of my favor scents combined, what could be better. Well let me tell you I'm not sure if it is my body chemistry reacting with the product, but I smell like a pine forest. Ever time I lift my arm I smell like one of those pine tree shaped air fresheners you hang in the car. It is definitely not Pomegranate and/or Lemon Verbena. I'm trying to stick it out as I will be back in San Antonio in a just under three weeks, but I may have to break down and buy a new deodorant again, the smell is killing me.